Work Tool Is Gone

In the shortest tenure in the history of my office, J.T. has been fired!

Yes, he’s only been with us for less that a week. No, it wasn’t because he kept talking about how awesome Texas was, even to the managing directors. And no, it wasn’t because he was too homesick for Texas. Nope, J.T. got fired because he’s an idiot.

Turns out, J.T. is really bad at his job. I don’t want to get into the details, but one of the key concepts in corporate debt offerings is what order the debt gets paid back in. That’s the priority or seniority of the debt. Long story short, J.T. subordinated certain senior debentures and fucked up a $200 million deal.

I really hate to laugh at other people’s misfortunes. I don’t want to be that guy. But man, this guy had it coming. He would complain about everything. How every place he ate at had to “ruin the food” by making it too healthy. But “that’s the left coast for you.” Plus, I swear this guy did not bathe. He smelled like cigarettes all the time. He was fat, had scaly skin that flaked off everywhere, and smelled. It’s almost like the rest of us willed him to fuck up the deal so he’s be fired.

Work Tool

We closed our Houston office earlier this year and those bankers got distributed to our other offices. For some reason, this took six months and today some tool named “J.T.” showed up in our office.

Obviously, given the nature of this Project, I’m very willing to give people the benefit of the doubt. But some people just do not want to get the lay of the land before opening their big mouths. J.T. dove in head-first.

“I guess I’m gonna have to teach y’all how we do things in the Lone Star State.” I was like, “Seriously?” He seemed like a cartoon character. Surely nobody is really like that. But J.T. was “born and bred” in Galveston and liked to go “huntin’ and drinkin'” in his spare time.

He relayed all of these colorful details in the break room and I went into my usual routine. “Wow, Texas sounds really great.”

He said it was “like a whole ‘nother country.”

I said, “You must have been so heartbroken when they shut down your office.”

He said he went where the job took him, “no regrets.”

I said, “Well, I’m sure you have some regrets. Like you must regret that the Houston office lost two billion dollars last year. I bet your clients regretted that.”

We all laughed at that and for the first time all day J.T. shut up.