Kicking a Man When He’s Down…

First off, let me just say that I haven’t been in a fist-fight since 8th grade when Neil Jackaway insulted my mother and I hauled off and punched him in the face (that fight was deemed a “draw” by my peers at the time).

But when you hang out with Scott, crazy shit happens.

After reconnecting with him after the whole TV fiasco and seeing him at his party, we made plans to go shoot pool with his friends last night. Charlie was there, as were some other actors who’ve never been in anything I’ve ever heard of.

Anyway, we were minding our own business, having some beers, and shooting pool, when I kept noticing at the table next to us was this asshole trying to pick up these two girls who were clearly not into him. The guy kept saying how they weren’t holding the cue right and he’d offer to show them. The girls were exactly kicking him in the balls, but you could tell them wanted to be left alone.

We all noticed this and were joking about how the guy couldn’t take a hint, when Steve–who was the biggest of Scott’s friends and was in a Carl’s Jr. commercial once–just goes over there and says, “Dude, why don’t you chill out and leave them alone.”

The immediately gets in Steve’s face and says, “Fuck off, douche bag.”

Steve laughs and turns to us, like “Can you believe this guy?” Then he says to the guy, “Asshole, take a hint. They are not interested in your cheesy-ass pick-up lines and Salvation Army clothes, so why don’t you get in your broken-down Camaro and go back to Van Nuys.”

We all laughed. Then the guy grabbed a pool cue and smacked Steve over the head with it. Seriously.

The rest was kind of a blur. We all jumped in there and then out of nowhere all the sudden he’s got friends and we’re all fighting. Some guy punched me in the face. I punched him in the face. Some other guys who were even bigger came in and broke everything up. It was all over in like ten seconds.

The manager kicked us all out and Scott wisely convinced Steve not to start things up again in the parking lot. So we went back to Scott’s place and retold versions of the fight over and over again from each guy’s point of view, and talked about how cool it was kicking those guys’ asses, and how they were all a bunch of pussies, and how if we’d been allowed to fight for longer, they’d have been really sorry.

But mostly I was just thinking about how much my face hurt.