The Help

Friday night was really… interesting. First of all, Michelle picked “The Help” to go see. They should have handed out Ziploc bags to the six men in the theater to store their balls.

There is no way any guy in the world would ever see that movie without the promise or hope of sex from their female companion. I was the exception, as I expected nothing from Michelle except maybe a little pre-wedding jitters and boring girl-talk about her fiance.

That’s not what happened. We saw the movie. It wasn’t that bad. I asked, “So should I drop you off?” She said, “Let’s get a drink.” I thought, “Oh, no, here it comes.”

We went to The Tavern in Brentwood for $15 drinks and Michelle finally explained why she wanted to see me.

“Dan and I are having troubles.”

I stopped her right there. I’d been preparing for this conversation all that day and so I knew what I was going to say. “Look, I’m not your girlfriend. I think it’s really shitty for you to dump this crap on me. I like you and I want to be your friend, but I’m not going to help you patch things up with some other guy.”

She seemed kind of shocked. She took a drink. Then she said, “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

After that, things got a lot better. We agreed not to talk about relationships and we just talked. About normal stuff. About the movie. It was almost like it was back when I first met her. When she’s not acting all weird or drunk, Michelle is really great. She has a great sense of humor and she’s smart, too.

I took her back to her apartment complex and pulled over to the curb waiting for her to get out. I said, “Good night. This was fun.”

Then she kissed me.

If you’ve been following this blog for a while, you know this isn’t the first time she’s done that. But I was still surprised. I didn’t fight it (duh) but after a good thirty seconds, I said, “Michelle, what are you doing?”

She said, “I don’t know.” She started crying. She said, “Things are really messed up right now.”

I said, “Go home. Go to sleep. Let’s talk about it tomorrow.” And she left.

I called her on Saturday and on Sunday but she didn’t return my calls.

How do I get into these situations?