Free Bacon Upgrade

I just got back from the dentist (just a cleaning) and I have to tell you, the periodontist or whatever she’s called (the lady who actually cleans my teeth), that’s someone who is great at talking!

And what’s amazing about her is that she can have a whole conversation without you responding in any way.

“How’s work going?” she begins, though she knows you can’t answer with anything more than a shrug and an “Unh.”

Then she launches into her daughter’s college graduation. How she just moved back home. She doesn’t have a job yet. She lost her shoes in the move back home. “I’m lucky I haven’t had to update my resume in thirty years.” In her day, you used to line up a job senior year of college, you didn’t wait to move back home before you start looking.

My responses were a series of “hm,” “unh,” and “uh huh”‘s.

I think my technique of actually listening to the other person and having a two-way conversation is more satisfying. But she must be used to droning on and never getting any response.

After the cleaning, I stopped at a new salad place where you check boxes next to a list of ingredients and they make the salad to order. I noticed there were two bacons listed. So I asked the pretty, young salad-maker what the difference was.

She said one was bacon bits and the other was real bacon. I said, “Why would anyone choose bacon bits over real bacon?”

She said the real bacon was more money.

I said, “I don’t care if it costs a hundred dollars. I want the real bacon.”

So she made my salad and when she rang me up, she whispered, “Free bacon upgrade.”

I looked around conspiratorially and put my finger to my lips in a “shh” motion. Then I put the $1.50 change in the tip jar.

Before I left I said, “I will think of you when I eat this bacon, and I mean that in only the most innocent way possible.”

She laughed and I went back to work to eat my salad.