Reality Star

I called Chloe yesterday and we made up. More on that later.

So yesterday I ate lunch at the food court and a random woman came up to me and asked if I wanted to be on a reality show.

I guess she was a booker or a promoter or something like that and she was handing out flyers for an audition next week. Well, she picked the wrong guy.

I asked her a bit about the show. Seemed like some sort of bullshit about living in a house, competing for money, doing humiliating things– basically the same as every other reality show. Now coincidentally, I am currently reading a great book, “The Mirror Effect: How Celebrity Narcissism Is Seducing America.” It’s written by Dr. Drew Pinsky, so I was a little suspicious at first, but I have to tell you, this book is a must-read for anyone living in L.A.

So I proceeded to tell the woman that narcissism is a mental illness and that this fame-seeking through outrageous behavior is caused by severe childhood trauma like physical, sexual, or emotional abuse. The woman actually seemed pretty intelligent and debated the issue with me for a while. But I told her that reality TV normalizes the kind of unacceptable behavior that we should be condemning. That you know children are getting the wrong message when 51% of all kids list “becoming famous” as their #1 or #2 most important goal in life.

Anyway, we parted ways on not very good terms but the whole thing really riled me up. I have repeated railed against people whose sole mission in life is to get attention without any laudable accomplishment to back it up.

And p.s., that is why I choose to remain anonymous. I have never printed my last name because I value my privacy. I write this blog to share my experiences. At first, it was because I wanted “someone” to talk to. But then when it started working, I realized that I wanted to share my success as a wake-up call to other people who were lonely and isolated like I was. But the idea of being a celebrity is nauseating to me.

Going the Distance

Venice was fun. Monica and Gunther are like the parents I never had.

I mean, I have parents, but these two seem like a couple from another era. We sat on the sand in Venice and just hung out. No books to read. No paddle tennis. Just chilling, walking along the water, and talking.

So naturally I talked about Marny. I like her. Well, some aspects. She’s actually really smart and she’s got a quick wit. But she’s so obsessed with celebrity culture and trying to become a famous actress it really bugs me. Like if I don’t know who some loser from some reality show is, I’m the one who’s out of touch.

Gunther said something about acting in L.A. that I thought was kind of poetic. He said, “Trying to make it in this town is a no-win proposition. If you fail, it breaks your heart. And if you succeed, it destroys your soul.”

Wow. Nailed it.

So when I went out with Marny last night to see “Going the Distance” (crappy romantic comedies are the price you pay for dating), I couldn’t get the idea out of my mind. After the movie, Marny was analyzing Drew Barrymore’s performance in annoying “actor-speak” detail like how she was “in the moment” and shit like that.

Then she talked about getting new headshots, obsessed about some audition, and fantasized about being in a big Hollywood movie.

I said that it seems like actors are all narcissists. Everyone wants to be famous but nobody wants to do anything worth being famous for. She got all upset.

I tried to make it better by saying, “Why do you want to be famous anyway? Didn’t your daddy pay enough attention to you growing up?” I laughed.

She said, “Yeah, my Dad left us when I was seven.”

Oh, shit.

We went back to my place and just went to sleep. This morning I was thinking, great, now I’ve got a new reason not to like Marny. Not only is she obsessed with celebrity culture and being discovered, but she’s damaged. She’s got emotional scars.

And I’m writing this on my laptop right now as she’s sleeping right next to me and I’m thinking, I don’t feel like trying to fix her.