Animal Shelter Girl

I was walking down Montana on Sunday on the way to meet Paul for lunch when I saw the pet adoption people outside the Whole Foods.

I was early anyway, so I stopped and said hello to the dogs. (I’m not much of a cat person so I mostly talked to the dogs.)

I wasn’t even noticing the actual humans running the adoption. I was really just amusing myself by having a conversation with this one mixed breed dog that looked like a shaggy mutt. “What are you in for?” I asked him. (He was in a cage so it kind of made sense.) “Barking and entering?” (I swear I didn’t think anyone heard me say that.)

This went on for a while where I talked to this dog that I named The Artful Dodger. I was getting into the zone where I didn’t even notice anyone else. But then this girl came up behind me and said, “I think he likes you.”

I turned and saw this cute girl who helps out at the animal shelter. “I’m just making conversation.” She pushed me to adopt him but that isn’t a real possibility. I like dogs but I’m at work all day, I explained.

She seemed disappointed. She gave me the hard sell. I told her I just couldn’t. She said if I change my mind to call her. She gave me a card for the shelter. I said goodbye.

I went and had lunch with Paul at R&D Kitchen. I know what you’re thinking. That during lunch I kept thinking about the animal shelter girl. But the truth is, I kept thinking about The Artful Dodger.

Hot Women Also Love Frozen Yogurt

There’s this place on Montana in Santa Monica called “Menchies” and I have to say, the hottest women go there.

Maybe not as unbelievable as that cupcake place but still, it was pretty A-list. Plus, it’s almost all women. Practically no men. It kind of has a day-spa feel to it where women can go to let down their guard, eat two pounds of ice cream, I mean frozen yogurt, and just hang out with other women without being judged.

And that’s where I come into the picture. But don’t worry, I judged them all very favorably. And p.s., why do women in frozen yogurt shops all wear skin-tight yoga pants? It’s totally hot.

I went up to the one guy in the store (he worked there) and asked, “How come there’s so many pretty women in here?” Now this guy was a total stoner type, pretty overweight, with nerd/hip glasses so I knew I wasn’t going to get attacked by my question. He said, “Chicks dig the froyo.”

I asked, “What flavor do the hottest women prefer?”

He didn’t even think about it. “Dulce de leche.”

So I went over to the yogurt machine and said to no one in particular, “Yum, dulce de leche, my favorite.” A women who had just used that machine said, “Me, too.”

I said, “What toppings do you put on it?”

“Blueberries, walnuts, and hot fudge.”

I said, “That sounds terrible. I put crushed kit-kats, mini peanut butter cups, and m&m’s.” I was just making it up as I went along.

“Too much candy. You can’t overpower the yogurt.”

I laughed and said, “Hi, I’m Fletcher.” And I know this is going to sound hard to believe, but we actually ate our yogurts together and I got her phone number and I’m going to call her. Her name is Jennifer and she’s a buyer for a department store.

Honestly, I was just goofing around. I didn’t have some big plan to seduce froyo ladies. It just worked out that way.