Post-Game Wrap-Up

First of all, the game was pretty exciting. I didn’t mind watching at all, though I couldn’t care less who won. No one at the party was a super-fan so we didn’t have any problems with guys in face-paint going berserk when some dude dropped the ball.

Twenty-two guests showed up. Scott, Gunther, Gordo, Polly, and some other obvious candidates, plus the dry cleaner Ramon and believe it or not, letter carrier Hung. The Whole Foods contingent came en masse, and the fun thing was, a lot of people brought a friend or two, so there were new people to meet.

One of the best things about the party was that it was such a weird mix of people that practically no one (besides me) knew more than a small percentage. So everyone was meeting a lot of new people. But hands down, my favorite new person is Astrid the check-out girl’s boyfriend Cesar. He works in marketing, but mostly for appliance manufacturers. His job is to “humanize” appliances by making boring features seem more intelligent. Example: He pointed to my toaster oven. It had a setting called, “Bagel.” He asked me, “What do you think that does?”

I had never really thought about it, but I did use it every time I want to toast a bagel. I said, “I don’t know, some kind of sensor makes the toaster heat penetrate a thicker dough of a bagel?”

He said, “That’s what I do. I make you think the toaster is smart. ‘Bagel’ setting increases the toast time by 10%. That’s it.”*

Turns out, there are only two things that are adjustable on the toast setting. Power and time. You can make the power go from 10% to 100% and you can adjust the time it toasts. That’s it. Putting a button on the front that says “Belgian Waffles” doesn’t change the fact that there’s only those two variables.

I love this guy.**

Anyway, the party was a big hit. Everyone had fun. It was good seeing Scott again. And Gunther even got along with his ex Monica. (I should have mentioned that things didn’t work out with 19-year-old aspiring TV personality Marta. It didn’t long. I think they broke up in December.) I’m not sure, but I think Gunther and Monica may have left together. So maybe if that’s back on, I can add matchmaker to my resume.

* Bagel setting also makes only the top element heat because it assumes you sliced your bagel and placed both sides face up, unlike the normal toast setting which toasts on both the upper and lower element simultaneously. But I already knew that part.

** I will post another entry about the rest of our conversation. I just love it when I learn something that never occurred to me but is so obvious when someone tells you.

Gunther’s Girlfriend

Gunther invited me and Michelle over last night to meet his new girlfriend.

We were more than a little surprised to find out that Marta was nineteen. Gunther is probably in his early forties and God knows how he gets these women, but we found the whole thing to be pretty strange.

Marta is a freshman at Loyola. She is studying communications but she said she would really love to be “a TV personality.” Who says that? I mean, she didn’t say “actress,” she said “TV personality.” It reminded me of that stripper that the Michael Jackson doctor is dating who said her body is her “instrument.”

It’s weird how as a heterosexual male, I could find such a hot girl so annoying. Every time she said something stupid–like how she loves “being a good role model for teens”–I looked over at Gunther. He was definitely not blinded by his deep love for Marta. He knew she was an idiot. He had this smile on his face like a dirty old man, like “What can I do?”

Michelle wound up talking to Marta alone for a while while I went to the store with Gunther to pick up more beer. Gunther basically admitted that he couldn’t help himself and that he finds her “naive world-view refreshing.”

Later that night, Michelle told me that Marta told her she “always dates older guys” because they’re “better in bed.” Michelle said, “Yeah, just don’t get carried away, it’s kind of a bell curve.”

And Marta said, “A what curve?”