Top Ten List

Top ten reader-submitted responses to the question, “Why is your Lamborghini black with gold sparkles down the middle?”

10. “It matches my shoes.” —PeacePipe21

9. “Three words: Liberace Estate Sale.” –Ken D.

8. “The gold for the side panels was back-ordered.” —Aaron H.

7. “My Bedazzler was broken.” —Sue L.

6. “Winning? Duh.”  —Stephanie S./BigTopGun

5. “What are you talking about? My Lamborghini isn’t gold spark– What the fuck?! Chanterelle!” –MorkOfOrk

4. “It’s for my daughter, Beverly Hills Bitch Barbie.” –NoAmbition

3. “You remember that guy from Top Chef: Just Deserts who put gold glitter on everything? No? Oh. Well, I’m him.” —Rob W.

2. “Advanced radar-scattering paint makes me immune to speed traps.” –CobaltBlue

1. “I have a small penis.” –22 people submitted a variation on this

Thanks for playing. Tonight I am going out with Jennifer to hear her band play again. Wish me luck.

“No one ever noticed me in my solid-colored Lamborghini.”

I was driving down Lincoln Blvd. and spotted this:

I know the picture is pretty crappy (I was driving while shooting) but it’s a gold-sparkled Lamborghini. The sides are black but it’s all glitter from bumper to bumper.

I wanted to talk to the owner so badly. I literally pulled over and went across the street to see if I could find him (and I do mean “him”–trust me, there was an exactly 0% chance the owner was female). I asked the guy at the Hertz place but he said it wasn’t their car and it’s been there all morning. I waited around for a little while but the owner never showed up.

So in lieu of a real conversation, readers please submit what you think this guy might have said if I had asked about the car. I’ll post the best responses later this week.