Kicking a Man When He’s Down…

First off, let me just say that I haven’t been in a fist-fight since 8th grade when Neil Jackaway insulted my mother and I hauled off and punched him in the face (that fight was deemed a “draw” by my peers at the time).

But when you hang out with Scott, crazy shit happens.

After reconnecting with him after the whole TV fiasco and seeing him at his party, we made plans to go shoot pool with his friends last night. Charlie was there, as were some other actors who’ve never been in anything I’ve ever heard of.

Anyway, we were minding our own business, having some beers, and shooting pool, when I kept noticing at the table next to us was this asshole trying to pick up these two girls who were clearly not into him. The guy kept saying how they weren’t holding the cue right and he’d offer to show them. The girls were exactly kicking him in the balls, but you could tell them wanted to be left alone.

We all noticed this and were joking about how the guy couldn’t take a hint, when Steve–who was the biggest of Scott’s friends and was in a Carl’s Jr. commercial once–just goes over there and says, “Dude, why don’t you chill out and leave them alone.”

The immediately gets in Steve’s face and says, “Fuck off, douche bag.”

Steve laughs and turns to us, like “Can you believe this guy?” Then he says to the guy, “Asshole, take a hint. They are not interested in your cheesy-ass pick-up lines and Salvation Army clothes, so why don’t you get in your broken-down Camaro and go back to Van Nuys.”

We all laughed. Then the guy grabbed a pool cue and smacked Steve over the head with it. Seriously.

The rest was kind of a blur. We all jumped in there and then out of nowhere all the sudden he’s got friends and we’re all fighting. Some guy punched me in the face. I punched him in the face. Some other guys who were even bigger came in and broke everything up. It was all over in like ten seconds.

The manager kicked us all out and Scott wisely convinced Steve not to start things up again in the parking lot. So we went back to Scott’s place and retold versions of the fight over and over again from each guy’s point of view, and talked about how cool it was kicking those guys’ asses, and how they were all a bunch of pussies, and how if we’d been allowed to fight for longer, they’d have been really sorry.

But mostly I was just thinking about how much my face hurt.

Three Strikes

Lately I’ve felt like I’ve come such a long way being able to talk to strangers that I’ve almost perfected the art.

Such hubris always presages the fall and sure enough I bit it big time Saturday night.

I actually went to a party at Scott’s new place (we’re friends again). I went alone, which would have been really weird a year ago, but now my experience talking to people has made me so much more comfortable going places alone. Anyway, I was having a pretty good time catching up with Scott and meeting some of his friends. Then I decided that it was time to talk to women.

I haven’t spoken to Jennifer since last weekend but in my mind I feel like that is totally over. And though I did have lunch with Michelle on Friday, she’s still seeing that loser, so I felt like I had the green light to try to meet someone new.

I had noticed a cute girl with long blond hair. I waited for her to stop talking to her friend then I went up to her. I said, “Hi. I’m Fletcher.” Usually that’s about as much as I say in these situations. Any more and it seems like a line, or material, or just rehearsed. Not natural = lame. Anyway, she said her name was Kylie.

I asked her how she knew Scott. She said she didn’t, she knew Charlie, that actor guy who hooked up with the waitress from Q’s in the bathroom. Anyway, Kylie and I talked for a while. (Some people have written in asking how these conversation go, or more specifically, how they get started, and that’s about it. Hi. How do you know X? Not very complicated, but that’s what’s so non-threatening about it.)

I had talked to Kylie for about forty minutes when I asked if she’d like to go out some time. She smiles and says, “Sorry, you seem nice, but you’re not my type.” I laughed, “What’s your type?” and she said, “Don’t take it personally. I just usually go for like really good looking guys.”

I stopped smiling. “Oh. Okay, well, nice talking to you.” She actually tried to apologize for how that came out, but I said it was fine. But when I went back to get another drink, I was really upset. What an ego crusher!

I was ruined for the rest of the night. I tried to talk to two other girls but everything came out wrong. Awkward. Desperate. One of them said, “I’m here with someone” thirty seconds into the conversation. The other said, “I’m getting a drink, I’ll be right back,” and never came back.

Now maybe if I were a really good looking guy…

Honeymoon Period

The reason I haven’t updated this week is because I’ve been too busy going out with Scott.

The move was not as bad as I thought. Scott doesn’t have that much shit which is nice and he put a lot in storage. I was worried we’d be at each other’s throats immediately, fighting over using up all the milk and leaving pubes in the shower, but I have to admit, Scott has gone out of his way to be cool.

In fact, we’ve gone out every night this week. Sometimes with Marny, sometimes just with some of Scott’s actor friends. All these guys do is drink, talk about auditions, and hook up with hot actresses. Aside from the narcissism, it’s kind of a cool life. Maybe it’s because a lot of Scott’s friends never went to college, but it sure seems like they’re in a 24-hour party mode all the time.

So last night, we went to shoot pool in this place called Q’s. This one friend of Scott’s, Charlie, has been in a ton of commercials. He’s a good looking dude and he just flirts with every girl he sees. It gets a little embarrassing at times but the surprising thing is how often it works. At one point he started talking to the waitress who was bringing us drinks. She was a edgy looking hot girl with super short (but still sexy) hair. Anyway, long story short, he hooked up with her in the ladies’ room. I know it’s kind of disgusting, and it’s not like I was the one doing it, but there was something cool about hanging out with a bunch of degenerates. Something liberating.