Another Poker Douche

Gunther invited me to a poker game at his place last night.

Normally I’m not much of a poker player but I’ve been feeling down lately, like I’ve lost some of my talk-to-strangers mojo, so I thought it would be good for me even if I lost my fifty dollar buy-in.

When I sat down, I knew Gunther and his sidekick Gordo. The other four guys I didn’t know. So in between lulls in the play I asked questions, mostly stuff like, “How do you know Gunther?”

That in itself is always a good one since Gunther doesn’t have a real job and knows people in the weirdest ways. One guy literally said, “Skydiving camp.”

One of the guys was a heavy-set douche with a beard who not only won a lot of hands, but told everyone what they did wrong to lead to their loss. (This is the second time I’ve played poker this year and that table had a poker douche, too. What’s up with that?) Everyone seemed to know him and his douchey quality and they just ridiculed him mercilessly, like “Hey, maybe if you spent less time reading poker books you might get laid this year.”

I did not enjoy listening to him tell me how many outs I had or what my pot odds were. So when he went after me one too many times after I lost a big pot, I said, “Jesus, man. Do you have Aspergers or something? Can’t you just tell when people have had enough of your little ‘helpful’ comments?!”

The table went kind of silent. Then the guy said, “Yeah, I do have Aspergers. Sorry if I upset you.”

Shit. I turned totally red. Obviously everyone else knew this but me. Thanks for the head’s up, guys!

At the end of the night, I apologized and said I didn’t know. He apologized, too. And then a weird thing happened. He said Gunther told him about my project, and was wondering if I could tell him about it so maybe he could get better at meeting people.

So it just goes to show you, that for every poker douche out there, there’s some actual mental disorder (or trauma) causing it. I think I’m going to help this guy.