Elevator Girl Not Getting Off at My Floor

Michelle and I just had a long talk after work. We went out for drinks and I asked her how Valentine’s Day went. Here’s what she said:

“The guy was nice enough. Not that hot but he was funny. We had sex but I don’t think I’m going to see him again.”

I almost choked on my drink before she said, “Jesus, relax. I’m kidding.” It took me a minute to remember that I made that same exact joke awhile back.

Anyway, the guy is some sports agent and he sounds like a tool. She actually is going to see him again but she’s “taking it slow.”

I took the opportunity to lay things on the table.

“Look, Michelle, I’m pretty sure you know how I feel about you.”

She looked away and said, “Yeah.”

“I thought after you ended things with Adam you’d give me a chance.”

She got defensive. How she just couldn’t do that right now. It was all just too much to handle emotionally.

I said, “What are you afraid of?”

“What if it doesn’t work out? I can’t go through this again.”

“Well, what if it does work out? You don’t think it’s worth it to take that chance?”

She just kept saying, “I just can’t right now.”

She was getting upset, so I had to let up. I gave her an out. I said, “Okay, look. I get it. You’re not ready. The last thing I want to do is force you into something you’re not ready for. So how about this? Let’s just be friends for now. We date whoever we want. But when you’re ready, you promise you’ll let me know?”

She nodded yes and started to cry a little.

We had a few more drinks. I tried not to make fun of Sport Agent Dan, and then we took off.

But when I walked her back to her car she said, “Thank you.”

I said, “For what?”

She didn’t answer. She just kissed me. Then she left.

I got into my car and sat there for a while without turning on the ignition. What the fuck just happened?

Game On

I left a VM for Michelle the other night and she didn’t call me back.

I was getting pretty pissed, wondering what the hell is going on. But then, from out of the blue, I just got this email:

“Sorry I didn’t call you back, it’s been crazy here. Adam and I broke up and I’ve been on the phone with my sister back east for like the last five days. Anyway, I’ll tell you all about it. Want to meet up for lunch?”

I am a genius. I played this perfectly, being supportive, letting things play out on their own. Now who does she turn to for comfort (besides her sister)?

The only thing I’m wondering is how long I have to be a good listener while she mourns the loss of her relationship before I make my move. How long does it take to get over Dr. Douche?

And to make things more complicated, I just realized Valentine’s Day is on Monday! Should I ask her out to dinner? It seems too soon but I can’t control when Valentine’s Day falls. I guess I’ll play it by ear and see how lunch goes but all I know is this is the best news I’ve gotten since… well, maybe ever.

I Need an Elevator Girl Update

I haven’t talked to Michelle in almost a month.

I was away on business then she had to go out of town for some wedding. Last I heard she and Dr. Wonderful were in couple’s therapy and it wasn’t going well. But she didn’t respond to my last two emails which is really strange.

I am going to call her tonight to check in.

Another Lunch with Elevator Girl

Michelle and I are back to being friends and we had lunch yesterday. I played it cool; no declarations of undying love, just me being smart and funny. But here’s why I do love Michelle: she’s smart and funny, too. She’s organized but not ADD. She’s confident, she knows what she wants, and knows how to get people to do it without being a bitch. In her job planning corporate events, she sometimes has a staff of a hundred people working for her. I like that. Plus, did I mention that she’s beautiful?

Now if only her boyfriend would move away.

Elevator Girl

Michelle usually leaves work on Fridays late and I’ve been able to schedule my departure to match hers before (but not in a creepy stalker way).

So I took a chance and it worked out. The door opened and there she was.

I could tell immediately that she was hoping not to see me. But I got in anyway and tried to diffuse the situation right away.

“Hey. I’m sorry about Halloween. I was drunk, but that’s no excuse.”

She thought about it for a minute, letting me stew, then said, “I’m glad you said something.”

“Look, I like you. I’m not going to deny that. And I think you like me, too. But it’s bad timing. You’ve got a boyfriend and I’m dating someone, too. I guess the alcohol just kind of wore down my impulse control.”

“Yeah, it can do that.” She laughed.

We rode for another few second before I added, “I hope things work out with Adam,” (lie!), “But if they don’t, and I’m single, too, maybe one day we can see where things go.”

I looked at her with as much sincerity as I could muster. “Until then… friends?”

The elevator reached the lobby and the door opened. She actually got out before answering, then turned back–intentionally or unintentionally dramatic, not sure which– and said, “Friends.”

We both smiled and she took off.


The party on Saturday was a blast. Even on late notice, a lot of people showed up. It was a Halloween/costume party/housewarming for Scott and he invited so many people that it was impossible to get from one side of my apartment to the other. I haven’t had a party like that since college.

I was dressed as David, the sculpture. (Don’t worry, I had a gray marble-colored body suit on.) Marny was an Orion slave girl so we kind of matched in a weird way, which was totally a coincidence since I forgot to coordinate with her. Anyway, Scott dressed as a Centaur, but the best costume was Gunther’s Tom Bosley.

Anyway, like I said, it was packed. Lots of women in sexy outfits. I was hanging out with Marny for a while but then she said she had promised to stop by another friend’s party. I couldn’t leave my own party so she took off at around 10:00 and said she would come back later and stay the night.

At 10:01 (it seems) Michelle showed up with Adam. They were dressed as Mr. and Mrs. Brady and it was kind of cute, I guess. I had been drinking (duh) and went right up to introduce myself. Adam is some kind of famous surgeon but all I could think was that he was way too old for her. I talked to both of them for a while until Adam went off to get them drinks.

I talked to Michelle for a long time. But I didn’t make my stupid move there. No, I waited until much later. I was dancing with Monica (platonically) and I kept looking over at Adam touching Michelle. I mean, not like groping her, just you know, putting his hand on her back and stuff. For some reason I was getting really jealous. I know I had no right to be but the alcohol was making me crazy.

At about 1:00 am the party had thinned out and Michelle said she and Adam were leaving. He had rounds or something in the morning. I said, “Can I talk to you in private?”

She went into my bedroom with me and I just blurted out, “I think I’m in love with you.”

I don’t know why I thought this was going to go over well, like she was going to say, “Oh, my, God, I feel the same way.”

Instead, she turned white and said, “I have to leave.”

I said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to freak you out. Wait.”

She stopped and I took her hand. Then I just kissed her.

I know. It was totally stupid. All the signs were pointing toward “Don’t do this.” But I did anyway.

She pulled away. I looked up. There was Adam. He said, “What’s going on here?” and then he just punched me. Hard. In the stomach.

I didn’t throw up but I wanted to. Michelle took off.

And then Marny came back.

I don’t know how I could have fucked this up any worse than I did. I am totally screwed.