The King of the World

Actual conversation that went down this morning when I answered an “out of area” phone call at home:

Guy with heavy Middle Eastern accent: “Hello, I am calling from your bank’s security department.

We have detected some fraud on your account, but we have resolved the matter and just need your account information to get those funds back to you.”

Me (guy who works in banking): “Oh, really? That’s so wonderful. What bank is this?”

“Bank of America?”

Lucky guess. I have an account there. Me: “Super. I’m so glad you caught the fraud.”

“Yes, that’s what we’re here for. So this will just take a few moments if I could get your information–”

“You’re calling from Bank of America?”

“No, this is the security division–”

“Of Bank of America?”

“No, this is a security firm.”

“What’s the name of the firm?”

“Consumer Protection Department.”

“The name of the company is ‘Consumer Protection Department’? Why is ‘Department’ part of the name of the company?”

“This will just take a moment, sir.”

“Okay, great. Let me get my account information. While I do that, can I get your call-back number in case I lose you?”

“My call back number?”

“Yes, in case I lose you.”

“Sir, this will only take a moment–”

“I understand that but I can’t just give out my banking information to any stranger on the phone. Can I get your name?”

“My name?”

“Yes, can I get your name?”

“Uh… Jack.”

“Jack what? Can I get your last name?”

“Uh… Dawson.”

“Jack Dawson? Wow, you sure don’t sound like a Jack Dawson, which coincidentally was also the name of Leonardo Di Caprio’s character in Titanic.”

“Damn, you’re smart.”

“Yes, I am. P.S. go fuck yourself.”

And I hung up.

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3 thoughts on “The King of the World”

  1. When I get a phone call from a solicitor I sing them the theme to the Brady Bunch. I usually get to the chorus before they hang up, but sometimes they put me on speakerphone or just pass the handset around to their solicitor buddies. Doesn’t matter, I’m an entertainer at heart and I love to have an audience.

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