Consultant Woman

A woman was brought through our department yesterday and we were told she was an outside “consultant” who was going to look for ways to restructure our department.

In case you’re just joining us, I work at an investment bank. We deal with bonds, debentures, foreign instruments, that kind of stuff. Not sure how restructuring our department is going to realize any efficiencies but whatever, if she wants to walk around and justify her salary by telling us to move the toaster closer to the bread, then more power to her.

Anyway, towards the end of the day, Janet came to my work station (Janet the consultant, not Janet the tattooed receptionist). She quizzed me about what I do all day long, what deals I’m working on, how long it takes to close a deal, etc. After a while, I started to get nervous. Like maybe restructuring means getting rid of people who write a blog all day long.

So I started to fudge my answers. Make myself seem more indispensable than I really am. I was going on and on about my recent Indian deal when she says, “Okay, great, that’s all I need, thanks.” She turns to leave, but then she stops and turns back, like Columbo.

“Oh, one more thing. What’s ‘Talk to Strangers’?”

I almost shit my pants.

I was like, “Excuse me?”

She says, “You know. Your blog?”

I was so caught off-guard, I just started fumbling like, “Oh, it’s just this thing I do in my spare time and I never do it at work it’s just a hobby a project really and how did you hear about it?”

She said, “I.T. has keylogger software installed on all workstations.”

I swear I immediately flashed back in one second to every inappropriate website and email I’ve ever viewed at work. Before I went into full cardiac arrest though, she said, “Don’t worry. It’s just for insider trading. Don’t do your blog on work time and you’ll be fine.”

And then she left.

Now I know how Winston Smith felt.

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4 thoughts on “Consultant Woman”

  1. Oh my god, that’s terrifying! If my school monitored our computers, I’d be completely and utterly fucked. Although they already should know that teenagers with computers are not the most attentative students…

  2. I found this web sites busness card in a booth at romantix on san fernando. this sin’t what i was hoping for.

  3. What’s your company policy on laptops? If you’re allowed to bring in your own (or if they just need to verify that your virus protection is decent before they let you use it), do so and you can keep updating without having your activities logged. And you can tell people the laptop is so you can work at night or weekends–win-win.

    And if all you were doing is posting here, you’re more of an angel than the 85% of your company that’s surfing pseudo-porn and using Facebook, etc.

    Don’t worry too much.

  4. Enjoying the blog so far, looking forward to start my own challenge of talking to strangers.

    See over here in the UK key logging is ilegal, the most they can do is log the URLs visited and time spent online.

    One day while in a meeting with my boss i was asked.

    ‘oh luke, one more thing. IT seems to think you have been by-passing their internet filter by using a proxy, is this true… ‘

    I thought about not telling the truth, then decided i didn’t really like my job so said:

    ‘I have been using a proxy, however this has not been bypassing their filter, I needed to access work related sites which were blocked’

    my boss ended up asking me not to use proxy’s any more .

    The joy’s of knowing how to get around poorly written contracts.

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