So lunch didn’t happen with Michelle till today. Here’s the relevant portion of the conversation:

“So, I’m sorry things didn’t work out with Adam,” I lied.

“Yeah, I’m sure you’re really sorry,” she said with a smile.

I laughed. “Okay, well, maybe I’m not crying per se… You seem to be taking it well.”

She explained, “My sister helped a lot. I’m mostly over it. I mean, we dated for eighteen months. I thought we were going to get married. But I haven’t been happy for a long time. And I guess I’m just fine with how things turned out. It’s for the best.”

All I heard was, “I’m over it.” It seemed like the whole Valentine’s Day thing was going to work out after all. I don’t remember my exact segue, but somehow I turned the conversation to Valentine’s Day.

“So I was wondering. I’m not doing anything and I’m guessing you’ve got no plans. Do you want to hang out and grab some dinner? No pressure or anything. I know it just sucks to spend Valentine’s Day alone.”

She looked away, kind of embarrassed and said, “I’m sorry. I’ve got plans.”

Then, still being a totally naive idiot, I said, “Oh, one of those things where you hang out with your single girlfriends?”

She smiled. “No, I’ve got a date.”

She might as well have gotten up and hit me over the head with her chair. I was literally speechless. In fact, my whole body was paralyzed. I just sat there staring at her. Then, after like twenty seconds, I said, “But…”

And that’s all I could get out. I just said “but” and I couldn’t think of anything else to say.

She must have understood my confusion because she explained, “I know it’s really soon but Alexa knew this guy, it’s this whole blind date thing, I know it’s totally awkward but Alexa said I shouldn’t be alone on Valentine’s Day.”

Alexa I’m guessing is her bitch sister.

She continued, “I’m sorry. I think it’s better this way. I think I just need something casual right now. I can’t just jump into something serious again.”

I said something about how I totally understood. How it was great to start dating again. How she should have fun.

But inside I was seething. Because I had the next fucking number in the deli line.

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2 thoughts on “WTF?!”

  1. I know you probably know this, but you totally did not have the next number for so many reasons. First and most obvious, there’s no rhyme or reason in whom women date (unless you’re talking about the crappier the guy is to a 16- to 29-year-old girl the more she’ll be into him), so if you let yourself really think that EG’d think of you next you were being foolish. Second, it’s really good news that she said she’s not looking for anything serious now, which a reasonable person would assume means she’s thinking of you in a serious light. Of course, reason and dating women don’t mix, but that’s a great takeaway for you.

    The main thing to do right now is to back off but stay on the periphery so that when she’s done screwing around you can be the non-rebound relationship, which has a much better chance of lasting. Don’t ignore her out of some false sense of injury, and make sure you stay in touch, say hi on the elevator (and _don’t_ ask about her dating life), etc., so she keeps you in mind, however subconsciously. Chances are good she’ll let you know what’s happening (if you don’t ask), and then you can subtly sabotage.

  2. I’ve really enjoyed reading this, and I feel out of place commenting on something so ancient, but the recurrence of, “next ticket at the deli,” really makes her sound like a piece of meat to be ordered and enjoyed/consumed. She is not bought by the amount of time you spend restraining yourself in pursuit, but you sound really innocent outside of a few odd phrases so I still hope you end up having an awesome relationship with her. I’ll continue reading. Sorry if this was offensive… it just sounds like you were very perceptive in your self-critique of being too Machiavellian.

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