We are having a party this Saturday night. Officially, it’s to welcome Scott to the neighborhood but unofficially it’s to invite Michelle. [singlepic id=57 w=320 h=240 float=right]Plus, I have met a lot of people in the past few months and I thought it would be fun to invite every stranger I’ve met. Well, the ones where I got their name and contact info.

Gunther is a given. I’m going to invite Monica as well because I think she’s cool and I don’t care if Gunther gets pissed off. Who knows, maybe the party will make them realize they should get back together.

I’m going to track down Polly, the girl with the three-legged dog. Plus Mario, I’ll text him. I will leave a note today for Hung (wonder what he looks like).

At work, I need to invite Kyle even though he’s a dick. If I don’t invite him and he finds out about it I’ll get a lot of shit. Neil obviously. Also have to remember to invite Janet, the receptionist. And Daphne. And Maria, the cleaning lady? She’s a bit out of the age range for this party, but it’d be nice to drop an invite anyway.

There’s a few others that might be weird to invite like Hector the newspaper guy and Ramon the dry cleaner but if I see them I’ll mention it.

Of course, Scott is inviting people, too, otherwise this party might be pretty pathetic. Maybe his director friend will bring a new girl for me to date after I break up with Marny and before I marry Michelle.

Speaking of Marny and Michelle, assuming Michelle comes, I wonder if Marny will sense that something is up. On the other hand, Michelle will probably bring her boyfriend Kal-El, so maybe I won’t even have a chance to talk to her.

Anyone else out there in L.A. who feels like dropping by a little shindig in Brentwood, drop me an email.

Letter Carrier Hung

[singlepic id=56 w=320 h=180 float=right]My mailman wrote back. His name is Hung. He is Vietnamese. He said in eighteen years of being a letter carrier, no one on his route has ever written to him before so he was especially touched by my note introducing myself. My only question is why it took him so long to respond. Maybe I’ll write him back. Would that be ironic if I started a written correspondence with my letter carrier or am I misusing the word “ironic”?


So here’s what happened the other night when I went to Mario’s “crib” to catch the game with his friends. [singlepic id=55 w=320 h=240 float=right]First of all, I have never been to Boyle Heights before. I guess that’s what they’re talking about when they say “East L.A.” The neighborhood kind of freaked me out but I sucked it up because I’m a people person.

I got to Mario’s house and parked on the street. After moving my wallet to my front pocket I walked to his house and knocked on the door. Mario let me in and there were about nine guys already watching the game. Some of them were pretty colorfully tatted up. I had brought a six-pack of Dos Equis and although I thought that might look like I was trying too hard, it actually went over surprisingly well.

We watched the game for awhile uneventfully. The guys were actually pretty cool. During commercials they were telling pretty funny stories about slutty girls they knew, dumb friends that got arrested selling drugs, and why they hated all the gangs. I was really enjoying myself. Until…

BOOM! A gunshot rang out. I kid you not. Just as they were going off on gangs I heard a shot from outside and I hit the deck. I mean I was on the floor, kissing the carpet. I waited there for a moment before I realized that no one else was moving at all. They were all just looking at me.

Then Mario says, “What are you doing?” I said, “I thought it was a drive-by!” And he looks at me like I was a total asshole and says, “That was a car backfiring.”

I turned bright red. I wanted to get the hell out of there as fast as possible because I was dying of embarrassment. But before I could, everyone just started laughing in a friendly way. Mario turns to the guy with the tattoos and says, “Fletcher lives in Brentwood.”

I got over my embarrassment eventually, though they did pretend to make loud noises the rest of the night. I told them I’d have them all over my place when Scott and I throw a party. Even though I humiliated myself (and the baseball was boring), I actually had a good time.

Garage Guy, part 2

I ran into the same garage guy again last night in the Santa Monica parking structure. [singlepic id=54 w=320 h=240 float=right]He was like, “Hey, I know you. The guy who didn’t understand ‘Inception.'”

I said, “I don’t think I was the only person who didn’t understand it. Did you see the South Park about Inception?” He didn’t see it (it was just on right before I went out), but we got to talking.

His name is Mario. I pretended to like baseball. He is a big Giants fan. I pretended to know where the Giants were from. He invited me to watch the next game with him and his buddies tonight. I accepted. Should be interesting.

My Story So Far…

Closed on the big deal at work so now I have some time to update the blog. This is where things stand after about three months of the Project:[singlepic id=53 w=320 h=240 float=right]

1. Scott has turned out to be a really cool roommate. He’s like a college roommate, only we’re not in college. It’s nice having someone there when I come home and a default person to do something with on the weekends. Scott met Gunther the other day and now Gunther has Scott convinced that he can make money on eBay like Gunther does, so Scott is thinking about quitting his job at Take a Bao and just trading shit on eBay between auditions. I guess it could work but Gunther seems a lot smarter than Scott.

2. Marny has become increasingly cold to me. First off, she didn’t like the fact that I’ve been working long hours the last two weeks. I think she thinks I’m cheating on her. I wish. Like I have time to sleep around, even if I knew any other women who wanted to sleep with me. Scott thinks Marny is being passive aggressive and what she’s really mad about is that I never reciprocated about the “I love you.” I told him she only said it once and that there’s no way she could be making such a big deal out of that little moment.

3. I haven’t seen Elevator Girl since our lunch but I have emailed her a few times to complain about being at work at three in the morning. We have a good casual friendship going and she’s even opened up to me about her boyfriend, Adam, who’s a heart surgeon. Great, like I can compete with that! Still, I’m going to try to have lunch with her again this week so we’ll see how it goes.

4. Monica and Gunther broke up. I couldn’t believe it when Scott told me. I thought they had what it takes to go the distance. Kind of undermines my faith in relationships. But Scott says that Gunther said “they still love each other, they’re just not in love anymore.” Sounds like there’s something else going on there. I wonder if I can still be friends with Monica.

5. I met three new strangers, even while I was working those insane hours. First, there’s the cleaning lady in our office, Maria. The cleaning crew only comes in at night so I’ve never met them before, but Maria is really nice and she’s got a son in Afghanistan, and two other sons in high school.

Palak is our contact for the bank in India. He’s working on the deal with me so technically not a stranger, but I’m counting him anyway. Palak likes vintage Heavy Metal and thinks nothing’s gone right since Ozzy left Sabbath.

Finally, I met a blind girl named Daphne. She’s a new intern at work. I have a million questions about how she goes through life, but I’m afraid to ask them because I don’t want to seem insensitive. Plus, she’s probably explained things so many times, I don’t want to make her repeat her life’s story. P.S. Daphne is gorgeous and even though she’s blind, she knows it. A lot of men must have told her over the years.

Elevator Girl Is My Friend

Had lunch with Michelle again today. [singlepic id=52 w=240 h=180 float=right]This time I talked about my significant other. Not to sound too Machiavellian here, but I definitely feel like I’m projecting an image of a “safe” work friend. On top of that, my problems with Marny are real and discussing them with Michelle actually helps a lot. Female point of view and all that. Anyway, Michelle has no idea that I’m in love with her.

Honeymoon Period

The reason I haven’t updated this week is because I’ve been too busy going out with Scott. [singlepic id=51 w=320 h=240 float=right]The move was not as bad as I thought. Scott doesn’t have that much shit which is nice and he put a lot in storage. I was worried we’d be at each other’s throats immediately, fighting over using up all the milk and leaving pubes in the shower, but I have to admit, Scott has gone out of his way to be cool.

In fact, we’ve gone out every night this week. Sometimes with Marny, sometimes just with some of Scott’s actor friends. All these guys do is drink, talk about auditions, and hook up with hot actresses. Aside from the narcissism, it’s kind of a cool life. Maybe it’s because a lot of Scott’s friends never went to college, but it sure seems like they’re in a 24-hour party mode all the time.

So last night, we went to shoot pool in this place called Q’s. This one friend of Scott’s, Charlie, has been in a ton of commercials. He’s a good looking dude and he just flirts with every girl he sees. It gets a little embarrassing at times but the surprising thing is how often it works. At one point he started talking to the waitress who was bringing us drinks. She was a edgy looking hot girl with super short (but still sexy) hair. Anyway, long story short, he hooked up with her in the ladies’ room. I know it’s kind of disgusting, and it’s not like I was the one doing it, but there was something cool about hanging out with a bunch of degenerates. Something liberating.

Flurry of Strangers

  • Newspaper guy said hi to me this morning. [singlepic id=50 w=320 h=240 float=right]I asked him why the L.A. Times combined the real estate section with the business section. He said he didn’t know.
  • Talked to another waitress yesterday. She wasn’t as hostile as all the others. She said she was an actress but she was thinking of moving back to Minnesota. I told her it was probably a good idea.
  • I left a note for the mailman. I never see him because I’m at work, so I wrote him (or her) a note to introduce myself. No idea if he’ll write back.
  • I met the check-out girl with a nose ring at Whole Foods. She thinks people who eat meat are assholes but she tries not to say anything all day long.

P.S. Scott is moving in tomorrow.